4 Steps to Mental Health at Work and Home… Now a Packaged Deal.
Staying sane in a crazy world seems to have taken on more significance than it used to.
Whether I am walking up to a building donning my mask and asking security to let me pass — with cookies that may well no longer be accepted — or on the phone with my boss who is describing to me the latest tall tale he heard, 2020 has drastically changed the landscape of a day in my life.
Sure, I used to wonder occasionally on my daily commute what kind of person would really cut through traffic with a seeming death-wish. Now it seems like drag racers are a majority on the emptier roads that come with a pandemic. I felt dejected at times when gatekeepers at the businesses I visited would effectively shut me down. Now it is even harder to get through. But something about the new routines, the new rules, and just the oddities that abound has become taxing to the point where I almost want to scream — HAS EVERYONE LOST THEIR MINDS?!
Maybe we have; is it much of a surprise given the year we have been going through? All hope is not lost, though. Here are some steps to take to help reduce stress and keep it all from getting to you:
Setting Boundaries
One of the first things that I have learned recently in the realm of keeping my sanity from spilling out is: setting real boundaries.
I finally had to tell my boss, that while I still think he is one of my best friends, I cannot spend what felt like obligatory hours discussing sports or news. I had to tell some of my friends and family I could not talk all hours of the day, and that I could not drop everything to run an errand at any time on a whim. I needed this space, because in my career I must be able to compose myself and approach people every day that are going to disagree with my presence. I need to accept that many of the people I would normally approach in person, I now must respectfully only approach by phone or e-mail (I still have not gotten anyone to answer a Zoom cold-call). This year has changed things, and I have had to change accordingly to survive. What once came easily now requires significantly more time and effort, so I had to set these boundaries with my friends, family, and boss.
Oprah says: “The first step in learning to set boundaries is self-awareness.” I was not able to tell my boss, friends, or my family what I needed until I realized that I needed it. It had never bothered me in the past to have long conversations on nearly any subject, whether I had strong feelings about the subject or not. However, the world around me has become increasingly tense, and viewpoints have stretched more disparately than I previously thought possible. I love chatting with my family and friends, and would do anything for them, but I still have obligations and need to maintain boundaries. I began to feel that I could no longer maintain my balance and go into great depth in all directions. I was stretched too thin.
Once I was aware of my own discomfort and took action to set new boundaries, I was able to maintain better mental health.
Staying in Motion
One sure way to lose my mind is to give in to paralysis. To paraphrase Isaac Newton: “a body in motion stays in motion, and a body at rest stays at rest.”
It rings true when I am presented with impediments to my normal motions — it can affect my emotions as well. Even though I sometimes feel like it is harder to take action when the world is so uncertain, I find that continuing to do things anyway helps to keep me sane.
I have never been a jogger or swimmer, and my workouts have been inconsistent at the best of times. But I have come to recognize through the years, when I most want to sit still — or curl up into a ball — and wait for the world to go back to a sense of normalcy, that is when I must remember to keep my body in motion. If I wait for the world to get itself together, I might wait for the rest of my life. Instead, by engaging in the world (especially when I do not want to) I am able to see things change around me that I never expected.
In short, staying in motion helps to keep the world around me moving as well. If the world is stagnant and I am discontent, then it is only by getting back in motion that I can overcome the inertia of it all.
Keeping a Routine
One nice thing about working from home is having a greater amount of flexibility with my time. However, that can present other issues as well.
If I do not have any meetings, then I do not need to shave, or wear a tie, or get up as early. I do not have to drive anywhere today, which gives me at least an extra couple of hours in my day. I can get some of the dishes done that were left out from the night before because my wife and I both worked late that evening. I can take a midday break from my now virtual career to get some sunshine in the backyard, tending the new plants we brought home.
Then I realize it is getting late in the day already, work is almost over, and I did not get done nearly as much as I should have. I can catch up tomorrow, I still have extra time tomorrow… I tell myself. As you might be able to tell, and maybe you know because it has happened to you, I have started to suffer from Shifting Baseline Syndrome.
Shifting Baseline Syndrome is a concept taken from environmental science. Earth.org explains: “Simply put, Shifting Baseline Syndrome is ‘a gradual change in the accepted norms for the condition of the natural environment due to a lack of experience, memory and/or knowledge of its past condition’.”
In my case, the environment is my routine. I think that I have extra time every day and I fill that extra time. I am not immediately aware that every day I am letting more things go. Next thing I know, I have a three- or four-day beard that takes extra time to trim and shave. I have calls to make and emails to write that are no longer as relevant. And my wife asks me to run a couple of errands for her because she knows I have extra time now as well. The list goes on.
Getting up early, getting ready to face the day, even taking breaks at the usual times really helps. I used to take a break at 10:30am every morning, get a second cup of coffee, maybe shoot the breeze with a buddy, and make sure I was back working by 11:00 am. Keeping a routine is important to keep my productivity where I need it and keep my mental health from deteriorating.
Forgiving Yourself
An interesting dichotomy of maybe the easiest and hardest key to mental health: Forgiveness.
Since, ultimately, I must live with myself — and there is no going home, or out, or anywhere else and getting away from me — I must have compassion for myself. If I hold all the things that I have not done right against myself, then I will not be able to function at my peak mental capacity. Taking responsibility for my actions and fessing up to the fact that I had not set boundaries, I had let myself come to rest, or dropped my routine is good. Holding each of those against myself though, even if I already knew better, is not going to help me.
As I recognize the things that I am doing which no longer serve my interest, I try my best to make the adjustments that I see I should. I also let go of any sense of blame or guilt. Those feelings will only be in the way of my getting back to balance and productivity. For my own mental health, I must forgive myself and keep moving into each new day. Every moment is a gift and I choose this moment to take care of myself and my mental health, both at work and at home.
Take Steps to Take Care
In summary, take the steps you need to. Take care of you and thrive at work and at home. Set boundaries, keep your body and mind in motion, keep a routine, and be as forgiving of yourself as you would be of a beloved friend or family member. You deserve it, and your work life and home life will thank you for it.
